I have come to the conclusion that life is a great irony. More specifically, human life is a great irony. Other organisms do not give themselves options. They fight for survival, they jump at every opportunity, and they explore. All other species do this, without hesitation, because it is crucial to their survival as an individual and as a species. Humans, however, can choose not to follow the basic rules of life. Humans can be everything, and nothing, they need to be. Humans can be stagnant. Our great, evolutionary, and intellectual dominance over the entire Earthly populous has actually led us into our one main flaw: the ability to live without living. We humans act in ways that are not conducive to our environment, our population, and ourselves. We are given the gift of awareness of life and death, and we choose to ignore it. We act as if our life is timeless, forgiving, and inconsequential. And, it is when we realize that this is not the case, we panic. When we know death is near, we want to survive, jump at opportunities, and explore. It is in the idea of impending death that one decides to live. And that, truly, is the great irony of life.
It is in this great irony that we ask ourselves “what if” or better yet the question I been asked a lot lately is “why did I move to Pakistan & what do I see in it?” My answer is simple.
I was an immigrant. My family of six moved to America when I was twelve years old. It was a huge change. We came from a country where family was the most important purpose of life. We had all lived by each other. All of my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas—we saw each other very often. We had fun in the summer, played together, and did all sorts of stuff together. It was a simple but fulfilling time. We were a true family. But, my parents left it all behind. I don’t blame them; America is the land of opportunity for some. They wanted a better life for their four children, and we have all grown up in American society but somehow we have lost our family in the process.
America turned out to be a harsh, unforgiving, and lonely place. My parents have sat over the phone in tears, hearing about a family death, unable to take the time off or collect the money to take us all to the funeral. We have missed weddings, graduations, birthdays, births—all of the important moments of life of the most important people of our lives. And, we could not share our moments with them, either. It breaks all of our hearts. Family is satirized as a dysfunctional joke in American culture; it is taken for granted. It is seen as dysfunctional to continue living with, or near, family, extended or not. However, family togetherness is something that is unimaginably rewarding to. America, in my opinion, is flawed for being so independent—but I digress.
I asked myself once what if I only had limited time to live what would I do and from there I realized why wait till the end to do something you are capable of now. So I decided to leave America. I have take what I have saved up and I have moved to my native country of Pakistan. I cannot express the amount of freedom and joy it would bring me to have the opportunity to be in Pakistan. No place has ever made me this happy ever since we have left Pakistan in the end of nineties. It is a life changing event for me, a moment I would hold dear for the rest of my lives, and I desperately need it. We are all drained, over-worked, and drifting apart in America and I hope my loved once can see my point and make the right decision.
Unfortunately most of my immediate family has changed. We, the kids, are all grown up—some are married, and some are with kids. There are even some people in my family that have never met each other. I see this opportunity for those that we have fallen in love with, and the little ones that have been born, to see our history. I dream of finally sharing something so close to my heart—my true home with my own family, but we seem to have difference of opinion.
In that perfect setting, I would finally settle peacefully with my family in Pakistan and work peacefully toward setting up a business not just for myself but rather something that everyone from my immediate family to the next generation to enjoy the fruits of it. My life would finally be whole.
Family and togetherness, something we all lack in our modern American world, and I Usman Sayed has decided to take a stand and make the tough decision which most of us would like to but lack either the courage or the challenged that come with it.
Thanks for those who have read this, I hope this helps answer some of the questions my friends and family have been asking me lately.
With Love,
Usman Sayed